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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24349555">Shaken Faith</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeesFrightenMes/pseuds/BeesFrightenMes'>BeesFrightenMes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pillars of Eternity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Betaed, Child Rescue, Children, Drama, Durance is honest and I love him for it, F/M, Feelings, Fight Scene, Fluff, Gen, Loss of Faith, Loss of Trust, Minor Spoilers, Pining, Plot, Rescue, Return of Faith/Trust, Sacrificial Bloodlines Quest, Swearing, The Watcher is full of surprises, slightly dark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:34:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,554</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24349555</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeesFrightenMes/pseuds/BeesFrightenMes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“She is not ‘changing her tactics’,” Durance argued. “Do you not remember her vehement defense of the girl-child in Defiance Bay? And her willingness to lie when even a worthless man’s life was at stake? The Watcher has always walked the path of the most light-- regardless of what shadows it may cast across her face.”</p><p>AKA: The Watcher's most staunch supporters begin to question their faith in her after she agrees to a questionable deal. Will she prove them wrong, or will they learn the hard way that their leader's sanity has taken a turn for the worse?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hiravias/The Watcher (Pillars of Eternity)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Power of a Legacy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I can only ask this of <em> you</em>, estramor, because you are not of the tribes,” the grizzled elf entreated, his eyes staring hard into the Watcher’s. “Bring the child to Wrdha, and then the essence to me. I will see that you are richly rewarded.”</p><p>Hiravias couldn’t believe the shit this Three-Tusk dungpile was spouting. Sacrifice a <em> child? </em> So that he could finally produce an offspring with a halfway decent soul? He found himself profoundly grateful that he had distanced himself from many of the traditions and ideas of Eir Glanfath, despite the persistent longing he had for his home in Thein Bog, the place he was born. What good was his heritage if it created monsters like this? Anamfatha willing to give up the lifeblood of a child-- a <em> healthy </em> child, no less-- for the continuation of their own family line. Wasn’t that an estramorwn sentiment, anyways? Despite the greater context of Waidwen’s Legacy, kith like Simoc took life for granted, abusing its sanctity in favor of continuing their <em> own </em> legacies. So many families in the Dyrwood would have killed-- <em> literally-- </em> for the blessing (almost a privilege, these days) of a healthy child in their household.</p><p>Call it a coincidence, but Hiravias found it profoundly ironic. Ironic and...</p><p>It rankled him. He could feel an itching under his skin, like he was about to spiritshift right then and there. Some of the Three-Tusk Stelgaer warriors watched him warily out of the corner of their eye, waiting for him to make a mistake so they could start a fight.</p><p>He refused to give them the satisfaction. After all, Simoc had asked entirely the <em> wrong </em> person to handle this type of highly sensitive mission. Either Delia would outright refuse and prepare to slaughter him, or she would outright refuse and proceed to tell all of Twin Elms of Simoc’s wicked plans. Her logic was that if everybody was aware and refused to take action, she could not be blamed for meting out their own version of justice: the frontier variety.</p><p>Hiravias turned his good eye back to Delia, waiting to see if he would need to shift after all.</p><p>Her expression was blank, impassive, her eyes taking on a shade between golden honey and deep chocolate as she met the anamfath’s gaze, unwavering. She seemed to be thinking.</p><p>Not so secretly, the orlan hoped she was considering how best to lop Simoc’s head off of his scarred and ancient shoulders. Hiravias had been having some weird nostalgia since coming back to Twin Elms, and a good shit-kicking could be just the thing to clear his mind. Now all he had to do was--</p><p>“I’ll do it.”</p><p>Aloth, whose expression remained neutral whenever possible, looked at her in horror and bewilderment. “You-- you can’t be serious!”</p><p>Delia shot him a cold look. “We need the coin, and having the Three-Tusks as allies could be highly beneficial.”</p><p>That reply... didn’t seem to satisfy. Edér furrowed his brows, leaning into her ear and whispering urgently. She nodded once, then turned to face him as well. “Your concerns are duly noted, Edér. I will be certain to consider them carefully.” The bemused look he gave in response to what was clearly a lie spoke volumes.</p><p>Without another word, she turned and marched for the doors, key to the house in hand. They didn’t even make it out before being stopped by another elf.</p><p>“Watcher,” he dipped his head in greeting, eyes examining her expertly. “I heard you speaking to my father.”</p><p>“Yes? And what of it?”</p><p>“My name is Lliras, and I have a proposal for you.”</p><p>She lifted an unimpressed eyebrow. “Out with it.”</p><p>“I want you to slay my father.”</p><p>Her expression morphed from apathy to surprise to curiosity in the span of several seconds. “Why is that? Do you think that, if he dies, you have a chance to become anamfath?”</p><p>Lliras snorted, shaking his head. “No. No, the rîow has already decided that my soul is unworthy to lead the Three-Tusk Stelgaer, so there’s nothing I can do about that now. Instead, I was hoping you might be able to… spare the child. She is only a babe, she doesn’t deserve this.” His voice lowered further. “There is an ovate who makes poisons. I’m sure that she would be able to supply you with the necessary goods you need to make short work of him.”</p><p>The Watcher appraised him for a moment. “I will think on this, Lliras. Know this-- I am loath to make enemies in Eir Glanfath, especially among a tribe as powerful and warlike as your father’s.”</p><p>He paused, then nodded tersely. “Understood. But be wary, Watcher. If you choose the path of cruelty, you must be prepared to accept the consequences.” With that final line, he strode out of the doors to the Hall of Warriors.</p><p>Lliras did not look back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Crisis of Faith</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A strange night falls where the most faithful sow the seeds of doubt, yet Durance is the only one who believes.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Delia requested her own room in the inn that night, and had even decided to retire early. The rest of the party members were gathered in the main living area of the suite to discuss exactly what the fuck had transpired that day.</p><p>“What the hell is she thinking?” Hiravias questioned, shaking his head in disbelief. “I’ve never seen her act like this before.”</p><p>“Maybe she’s not coping well with the stress,” offered Kana, his entire being distraught at the idea of handing over a baby as a sacrifice. “She did tell me that she was worried about mingling with the natives-- Eir Glanfath is not fond of outsiders and she has been on edge since we first arrived in Twin Elms.”</p><p>Edér snorted dismissively. “I don’t believe that for a second. People who’re ‘on edge’ don’t just give up on their morals like that… Maybe she’s losin’ it more’n we thought.”</p><p>“Yeah, that must be it. Wait a second…” The orlan turned a suspicious gaze to the chanter. “Kana, she never told me about any of that stuff. When did this conversation even happen?”</p><p>He shrugged. “A couple days ago, on our way to the city. Perhaps she refrained from telling you because of your connections to this place.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t have--”</p><p>“You fools really can’t see what she’s doing?” Durance interrupted, sitting cross-legged on the floor with his staff in his lap.</p><p>Edér opened his mouth to shoot off a biting reply, but Aloth beat him to it. “No, Durance,” he said with a look of irritation on his pale face. “Please, enlighten us.”</p><p>“Such an expression does your weak features no favors, elf,” he retorted, turning to face the four of them more clearly. “Can’t you see? She is playing them for fools just like you four, trying to gain their trust so her betrayal will come as a surprise.”</p><p>The blond fighter’s face scrunched up into an expression of disbelief. “That… don’t seem like Delia to me.”</p><p>“I agree with Edér,” Kana added. “Does she not always tell the truth? It seems odd that she would make such a change to her tactics now.”</p><p>“She is not ‘changing her tactics’,” Durance argued. “Do you not remember her vehement defense of the girl-child in Defiance Bay? And her willingness to lie when even a worthless man’s life was at stake? The Watcher has <em> always </em> walked the path of the most light-- regardless of what shadows it may cast across her face.”</p><p>“Those instances aren’t comparable,” Aloth stated, disregarding Durance’s points immediately. “In such occurrences we were at least aware of her plans beforehand, and there was never any risk of her causing harm to those she aimed to help.”</p><p>“I agree with Aloth,” intoned Hiravias. “I think you’re wrong about this one, Durance.”</p><p>The priest growled his frustration at them, eyes alight with indignance. “It is a wonder that the Watcher has not yet cast out such imbeciles. Does it disturb you, orlan, that the child she has chosen to forsake is one of <em> your </em> kind?”</p><p>The druid bared his teeth and <em> snarled. “Look here, </em> you rotten bastard, I--”</p><p>“Just as well,” Durance huffed, rising slowly. He leaned heavily on his staff for support. “Perhaps it is for the best-- for the Watcher’s sake-- that all of you lose your faith. That way, she will not have any qualms about discarding you to the flames like the <em> waste </em> you are. Making that leap will finally allow her to seek fine grains... but only once she is freed from the worthless chaff.” He lumbered into the room he was sharing with Kana and slammed the door.</p><p> </p><p>Hiravias lay awake in bed, long after Edér and Aloth had succumbed to the sweet embrace of sleep. He had expected to find some clarity after discussing matters with the group-- like he usually did with Delia-- but he had left the conversation feeling even less at ease than before.</p><p>Something about Durance’s words… they seemed to have dug deeper than he realized. Clearly, there was a kernel of truth in them: Saeda had been a human child, but Vela....</p><p>Vela was an orlan baby. </p><p>An <em> orlan. </em></p><p>Just like him.</p><p>He didn’t like admitting it, but it hurt. </p><p>Delia, the Watcher, had always had kindness to spare. Her pockets <em> (and their collective coinpurse...) </em> seemed to overflow with second chances. Yes, she knew of the evils that people were capable of, but she’d never blamed anyone for their soul’s history or their birthright. Hell, she preferred not to consider arbitrary bullshit like that whatsoever.</p><p>“It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy,” she’d told him once as they sat outside their tent, staring at the moon together. “I want to judge kith by who they are <em> today </em> <em>,</em> by what they <em> could </em> be. It’s not as if any of them had a chance to handpick their soul beforehand....”</p><p>Delia was thoughtful, loyal, and forgiving. She had a merciful streak a mile wide.</p><p>So how come she was favoring this Three-Tusk Stelgaer son-of-a-bitch over a baby orlan from <em> his motherfucking tribe? </em></p><p>The blow hit even harder now that he recognized his feelings for her. Had she just been playing with him all along? Sending him false signs when she didn’t care about him at all? It seemed uncharacteristically cruel, but after the events of the day he didn’t know what to think.</p><p>“Dammit, Wael,” he muttered softly into the cool, dark night. “Just once, can you lend me a hand? Send me a dream or something? At this point, I’ll take anything.”</p><p>Predictably, there was no response.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Durance and Hiravias are referencing another fic I wrote called "Protector of the Young" in case there was confusion abt Saeda (this is totally not blatant self-advertising lol wat?) </p><p>Fixed some spelling errors in the last chapter. Also thinking of reworking the fic summary so it's not so bulky...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Safety in Numbers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>With the dawn comes more confusion and introspection for Hiravias. But the follower of Wael has forgotten a simple yet crucial fact: every question has at least one answer-- it just may not be the one you expect.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The group awoke the next morning to find Delia already suited up and ready to go. She sat on the ‘couch’ (it was more like a complex construction of intertwining sticks layered in various furs) with a book in hand.</p><p>“Oh, Hiravias,” she turned to greet him, a small smile teasing the edge of her lips. “Good morning. Did you sleep well last night?”</p><p><em> No, the fuck I did not. </em> “Yeah, I slept well enough, I guess.” He scratched at the back of his neck awkwardly, totally confused by this change in demeanor from yesterday.</p><p>“Are you…” Kana narrowed his eyes and craned his head forward and to the side, examining Delia cautiously. “Are you alright?”</p><p>“Never better,” she replied, unusually chipper for this early in the morning, clapping her book shut. “I’ll return our keys to the innkeeper. Get ready to head out soon!” And just like that, she left.</p><p>A beat. “She’s lost it,” Edér announced, his eyebrows high and knitted together. A touch of fear colored his tone.</p><p>“...Are you sure she wasn’t under the effect of some… oh, I dunno… a mind control spell, Aloth?” Hiravias pressed.</p><p>“I’m not certain,” ventured the wizard, expression concerned. “It seems a possibility.”</p><p>Behind them, Durance rolled his eyes <em> so hard </em> that the action was almost audible.</p><p> </p><p>The day passed fairly uneventfully. Delia seemed to be content to explore the city and chatter absently with the locals. Hiravias, like most of the others, found himself dreading the time when they would enter the house in Hearthsong and retrieve the child.</p><p>Was considering leaving the party too extreme of a reaction? In all honesty, he’d probably stick with her no matter what kind of horrifying shit she did, but he’d never be able to look at her the same way again.</p><p>Gods damn it all, the anticipation was <em>killing</em> him.</p><p>He should’ve foreseen something like this happening. After all, their escape from Defiance Bay brought her more than just a broken heart-- it scarred her. She couldn’t even close her eyes for more than an hour or so before the dreams came. The dreams where she spoke in a language none of them understood, where her body was seized by uncontrollable spasms. Edér couldn’t share a tent with her anymore because it freaked him out so much. Once, he’d near punched her to get her to wake up, and even then, her eyes were glazed over. The woman they followed was trapped in a trance nobody else could see.</p><p>“I can’t do this anymore,” the fighter admitted wearily to him, clear blue eyes underscored by bags. “Do y’think you could… y’know? Be her bunk buddy?”</p><p><em> Edér has to be doing this on purpose</em><em>,</em> he thought at the time. He must’ve known about his feelings and decided to make him the butt of some joke he’d be retelling for years afterwards.</p><p>Still, he agreed. It brought him some modicum of peace to be able to lie in the tent beside her, casting gentle, calming spells around her to help her find some peace as well. Not to mention the rest of the group was incredibly grateful to catch a couple hours of shut-eye without worrying their asses off about their leader’s dangerous and discomfiting sleep habits.</p><p>But now… Maybe all the experiences-- horrifying, depressing, life-threatening-- had changed her. Losing Lady Webb to Thaos must’ve been the straw that broke the oxen’s back. Something had to explain the new behaviors they were seeing, this alien personality that had only recently taken root. Otherwise, it just didn’t make any sense.</p><p>Night was falling fast. Delia looked up towards the sky, almost searching for something among the few clouds that remained. Hiravias couldn’t tell if she had found it or not when she returned her attention to the group. “It’s time,” she said.</p><p>“Excellent,” Aloth muttered, his thin lips pressed together and curved into a frown. “This will <em>certainly</em> end well…”</p><p>They approached the house cautiously, apprehension clear in their hesitant movement. Delia fiddled with the key for a moment, and they entered.</p><p>It was a small house, smaller than most of the others in Hearthsong. It was warm, dimly lit by a fire in the fireplace. Furs littered one side of the floor, creating a no doubt comfortable area to sleep. On the other side lay the cradle. It was small, close to the ground, and it rocked gently, seemingly on its own.</p><p>“Stay here,” Delia ordered, her voice quiet but tone brooking no argument. Aloth and Edér exchanged a look. Durance, on the other hand, dug his staff into the floor and turned himself so he could watch the door, the fireside, and the Watcher all at the same time.</p><p>Hiravias’s heart sunk into his stomach as she approached the cradle. Her face… she looked so emotionless and cold, not at all like the passionate woman he had grown used to traveling with.</p><p>Slowly, Delia knelt by the cradle and angled her head. She had taken off her helm the moment they entered, placing it somewhere near the entrance. Her eyes softened as she gazed at the sleeping baby, and she reached out for her. A small smile blossomed on her mouth as she lifted the bundle into her arms and held it to her chest.</p><p>“Hello there, sweetheart,” she cooed as one of the little one’s hands curled around her index finger. “Have you been sleeping lots?” The baby made a soft noise in response. “Uh huh. I’m sorry for waking you, sweet one.” With one arm securing the baby to her breastplate, she rose and scooped up her helm.</p><p>“Come on, team,” she commanded, her tone much less sweet than when she was talking to Vela. “Let’s move.”</p><p>They had barely exited when shadowy figures appeared in the night.</p><p>“Lliras,” the Watcher greeted with a level voice. “What brings you here?”</p><p>“I <em>warned</em> you,” he growled. “I told you there would be consequences.”</p><p>She chuckled softly, smiling as she lifted one blonde eyebrow. “You did. But you forgot that I don’t play by Three-Tusk rules. You and your father’s ultimatums mean nothing to me.” The arm not cradling Vela rose, a pistol in hand. She cocked it leisurely. “This baby is <em>mine.”</em></p><p>“Are you certain you have time for--” Aloth began, but he was cut off by the sound of the gun firing as Delia clipped Lliras on the shoulder.</p><p>“Durance, now!” The priest responded to the Watcher’s call in an instant, surrounding her in a globe of golden light that arrows and magic were unable to breach. The swords of Lliras’s numerous underlings (really, a small army) clanged off of it as she ran into the woods.</p><p>“Attack!” cried a familiar voice. Coming from the direction that Delia had absconded, the party watched in utter shock as Pallegina and the new mercenary recruit, Captain Thimbledon, crashed out of the underbrush, weapons raised and battle-ready. Itumaak snapped harshly from underfoot, Sagani’s arrows already flying by the time Lliras and his party even noticed them. In the corner of Hiravias’s eye he vaguely noticed Mother Theliese pull out a dagger.</p><p>“What are you waiting for?” Pallegina shouted to them, swinging her estoc into one of the unsuspecting Glanfathans. “Don’t just stand there!”</p><p>At her rallying cry, the rest of them jumped into action. Aloth fired spell after spell at the massive enemy force, Edér raising his shield so Hiravias could spiritshift safely. Over all of them, Kana’s voice carried out into the night.</p><p>It was a truly epic skirmish. The fighting did indeed help assuage Hiravias’s nervous energy, and he when it was over he found himself wishing that it had lasted longer. Instead, he took the chance to think. He stood by while the priest made his rounds, brusquely checking over the two parties for any severe injury. Edér yanked his sabre out of the body of one of the Three-Tusks with some difficulty.</p><p>The orlan was floored, not to mention ashamed. He claimed to know Delia better than any of the others, to care for her in ways they did not. In the end, he too had doubted her. None of them expected this.</p><p>Well, Durance did. He had even tried to explain the situation to them, but they wrote him off just as easily as they always did.</p><p>That was going to be one <em> awkward </em> apology.</p><p>“Where’s the Watcher?” Sagani queried, her eyes expertly scanning the area around them. “We saw her going for cover--”</p><p>“Smart woman,” Edér interjected quickly, a wry smile toying at his lips.</p><p>“--But I didn’t get the chance to check where she went.”</p><p>Kana, almost definitely the loudest of the group, took up the mantle of calling for her. “Delia? Are you there? Delia? ...Where are you?”</p><p>Silence. The lack of a response struck fear into everyone’s heart.</p><p>“We must go look for her and the child at once,” Pallegina urged, securing her sword and preparing to clamber back into the trees.</p><p>“I’m here,” a quiet voice said from around the edge of the house. Delia appeared soon after, poking her head out before the rest of her body followed. “Has the fighting stopped?”</p><p>They all breathed a collective sigh of relief. “Yes, Lady Barnaust,” Thimbledon answered, Durance poking and prodding at a gash on the captain’s arm. “I don’t think they’ll be getting back up again.”</p><p>“Wonderful,” she smiled gratefully. “I can’t thank you enough for responding to my message so quickly. I was worried you wouldn’t be able to make it on such short notice. I was...” Her expression wavered for a moment. Even though she was smiling, she looked like she was ready to cry. “It wasn’t the most airtight plan, I’ll admit.”</p><p>Sagani huffed out a heavy breath. “You’re telling me. We get nothing from you for two weeks, receive word that Defiance Bay is all but burned to the ground, and then, out of the blue, you summon us to Twin Elms.”</p><p>“It is no wonder we hurried,” agreed Pallegina. “The captain here was adamant that we set out as soon as possible.”</p><p>“And good thing too,” Thimbledon preened. “We were right on time.”</p><p>“C’mere Watcher, let me get a look at the kid.” The ranger approached and Delia knelt to the ground. “Wow, she’s cute. I can see why you decided to take matters into your own hands.” The two admired the baby for some time before Aloth cleared his throat.</p><p>“Um, Delia... I don’t mean to interrupt, but should we not find a place to rest for the night?”</p><p>“You’re absolutely right, Aloth. I sent word to the Celestial Sapling after we left, so our suite from last night should still be available.” She turned her eyes to the sky, appraising the level of darkness. “We should head back soon-- Ellitherion will be wondering where we wandered off to.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>My sister claims that Ellitherion's name "sounds like a scientific element." I waffle between agreement and indignance on his behalf, lol. To be honest, it's way better than some of the Baldur's Gate names</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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